The First Prehistoric Serial Killer and Other Stories by Teresa Solana

Author:Teresa Solana
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781912242085
Publisher: Bitter Lemon Press
Published: 2018-04-11T16:00:00+00:00

Shortly after marrying the second Mrs Appleton in a discreet ceremony in Rome, Mr Appleton was appointed ambassador to Washington and the couple began experiencing problems. The second Mrs Appleton had always looked forward to living in the United States, but her enthusiasm soon waned when she discovered that Washington wasn’t as entertaining as Rome and Americans weren’t as dishy as Italians. Unlike the first Mrs Appleton, the second Mrs Appleton wasn’t used to the slavish restrictions of protocol and soon tired of performing like a dummy at banquets and interminable receptions. Her ignorance of any area of knowledge that wasn’t covered by the glossies made her stick out like a sore thumb, and forced her to remain silent most of the time: she was bored stiff. Tedium led her to chase the waiters and seek refuge in champagne, and champagne liberated her tongue and encouraged her to say the first thing that entered her head.

The first Mrs Appleton had set very high standards, and Mr Appleton began to make comparisons. The first Mrs Appleton had a degree in French literature, was the cousin twice removed of the queen’s second cousin and had completely mastered the art of etiquette. In the case of the second Mrs Appleton, she had a degree in interior design from Buckinghamshire New University – a university that at the time enjoyed the dubious honour of hovering near the bottom of the British universities league table – and lacked the pedigree that equips one’s DNA with the ability to match flowers, tablecloths and cutlery. And, above all, she was unable to keep her mouth shut. If the first Mrs Appleton knew when to be quiet without Mr Appleton having to give her a wink or kick her under the table, the second Mrs Appleton was an expert at putting her foot in it at the most inglorious of moments.

Mr Appleton soon had to spend more time keeping an eye on his wife than on international politics. However, that didn’t curtail the second Mrs Appleton’s indiscretions or prevent the provocative dresses she wore – she’d begun to shorten the length of her skirts and lower her necklines dangerously – from becoming a matter of gossip in Washington, and the jokes about the ambassador’s ever-so-young wife’s lack of know-how soon crossed the pond and came to the attention of Downing Street. Realizing the risks his brand-new wife’s inexperience was exposing him to, Mr Appleton began to long for the professional savoir-faire of his first wife and to regret divorcing her.

Rock bottom was reached when they’d been in Washington for six months and the minister in charge asked him to organize a banquet to conclude a summit. Mr Appleton saw this as a test of his ability to represent Great Britain in the United States, and was conscious of what was at stake. He decided to take the bull by the horns and leave the second Mrs Appleton at the periphery of all the preparations.

With the subtlety that was

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